September 8- Roller Coaster

I swear I've never felt so many back and forth emotions in a short amount of time. And this is a daily occurrence! Most of the time my emotions shift from one way to the other from hour to hour. Like my body for instance. Sometimes I look in the mirror and all I see is a blown out version of myself with rolls tucked here and there and my ever-expanding ass. Other times I look and think, "well it could be worse" and that maybe I'm just being too hard on myself. People are always telling me I look small for being 20 weeks pregnant with twins but in actuality I've already gained close to 30 pounds in the past 5 months. The one thing that drives me nuts is when people say, "well you've got two in there." Right. But I'm not carrying them in my hips and thighs! I see women who are way further along than me and they have skinny arms and legs and only a cute baby bump. And I'm talking chicks who are 38 weeks! I'm guessing it's because I've battled with weight issues my whole life so it's easier to put on the pounds as opposed to those who were skinny all their lives. But it's still a bummer! My husband is being über supportive though. He's my little cheerleader! (Oh sorry honey... I mean big, strong, burly grizzly bear of a manly man) LOL. It does help though. And I know whatever I put on I will take off, but man did I ever work my ass off to finally get to the fitness level I was at before getting pregnant. It literally took a lifetime. But alas, what's a prego to do? Just suck it up and deal with it. I know it's for a good cause, it's just frustrating. Especially since I know the worst is yet to come.

Which brings me to another topic of concern. The impending third trimester. I'm caught between a rock and a hard place because I want to seek out support from others who've been through twin pregnancy but at the same time the things I read on the forums terrify me. Most of the posts I read people are in agony once they reach 32 weeks and complain of pure misery. They are so uncomfortable they can't take it any more and many are on bed rest. So when I read that stuff I work myself into a tizzy because I'm headed toward that and there's nothing I can do about it. But then at other times I think about how strong and healthy I am and in shape and think I can beat this! I've continued my workout routine throughout so far and have lots of energy and firmly believe that can only work in my favor. (See what I mean about the back and forth stuff?). I guess really it's a fear of the unknown. The unpredictability of what's to come. But I suppose I need to get used to that, as I'm sure being a parent in general is an unpredictable job in itself...