Wiped Out

Yesterday was hard. And I know with being the mom of twins there are going to be some challenging days, but that doesn't mean they don't knock you on your ass when they happen. The babies were in rare form from the moment they woke up in the morning until the tail end of the night, upset all day unless they were being held. And not just held, but being walked around! My cousin (who is the closest thing I have to a little sister) is here visiting on her spring break to help out and it STILL was a hellacious day even though I had an extra set of arms. 

We brought them outside in the morning for a while to get some fresh air and change of scenery, but then it started raining. For the rest of the day. So my plans to take them for a walk and an outside cafe for lunch somewhere went down the drain. We were stuck in the house and tried to find ways to entertain the babies all day, but they just weren't having it. It seemed nothing made them happy and the last thing they wanted to do was take any sort of nap. I realized it was almost 1pm, which was when a developmental specialist was coming over to screen River. (It's through a federally funded program called Early Steps where they work with preemies until the age of 3 to make sure they hit their developmental milestones on time. It's a free service and Riley qualified because of her size at birth, River was 30 grams over the cut off so she was coming to screen him to see if he qualifies for services). We still hadn't eaten yet so we popped something in the oven but then the lady arrived and I forgot to set the timer and our little gluten free vegan pizzas turned into hockey pucks. (Although they were somewhat close to that already!)

We brought them outside in the morning for a while to get some fresh air and change of scenery, but then it started raining. For the rest of the day. So my plans to take them for a walk and an outside cafe for lunch somewhere went down the drain. We were stuck in the house and tried to find ways to entertain the babies all day, but they just weren't having it. It seemed nothing made them happy and the last thing they wanted to do was take any sort of nap. I realized it was almost 1pm, which was when a developmental specialist was coming over to screen River. (It's through a federally funded program called Early Steps where they work with preemies until the age of 3 to make sure they hit their developmental milestones on time. It's a free service and Riley qualified because of her size at birth, River was 30 grams over the cut off so she was coming to screen him to see if he qualifies for services). We still hadn't eaten yet so we popped something in the oven but then the lady arrived and I forgot to set the timer and our little gluten free vegan pizzas turned into hockey pucks. (Although they were somewhat close to that already!)

The screener was here for two hours (I'll save the details for another post) and by then it was after 3. I needed some things in order to make dinner so we packed up the twins and headed to Whole Foods. It was their first outing there! It was before the after-work crowd so I wasn't too worried about germs, especially since we always keep them in their stroller whenever we go anywhere. We grabbed the ingredients for dinner and headed home.

We got home around the same time my hubby did and the second we walked in the door the twins were back at it again. My cousin fed them while I made dinner. And made bottles. And cleaned the kitchen. All week the babies were on this weird eating schedule where they've  wanted to eat all day long but not much at a time and today was no different. They both ate about 2 ounces each, which wasn't much, but were pushing the bottles out of their mouths with their tongues by the end so it's not like we can force them. Dinner was done and I was famished having only eaten a green smoothie that day. (Wasn't that I didn't eat on purpose, just no time!) just as I set it on the table Riley started screaming bloody murder. G swooped in and picked her up but she got louder and louder. He did the finger check (we stick our knuckle in their mouths and if they suck we know they are hungry) and sure enough she was ravenous. This was only an hour after she ate! So G rushed to warm a bottle for her and fed her some more. I was breaking a sweat at this point from being so hungry and stressed out about the babies. Cooking, cleaning, feeding, rushing along with babygirl screaming it took all I had not to cry. I think I do a pretty good job of keeping things together even when the going gets tough, but for some reason (perhaps low blood sugar) I felt like it caught up with me. But I got the bottles done and we finally finished feeding Riley. By this time it was 930, but we were finally able to start eating. Which was of course interrupted by River getting upset. So I shoveled a few bites in and tended to him. 

Before I knew it, it was 11pm. Riv was hungry but Riley had passed out. I figured I could top them both off and feed them a little but she was in a coma. I tried to wake her but she was dead to the world. So I fed River and we put them to bed. We read them their nightly story and by that time we had no energy left. The night was over and it was time for us to go to bed too. Nights like that are tough because we get virtually no time together to unwind, which can add up over time. But we were exhausted and trying to watch TV would only end with one or both of us falling asleep sitting up on the couch, as that has been happening most nights these days. So we called it a night and went to bed. 

Then something I've dreaded happened. Riley woke up hungry and Riv was still sleeping. I was afraid that would happen with not being able to wake her for last feeding. So I changed/fed her and got her back to bed. Then at 3:30 Riv woke up hungry. Fed/changed him. But when Riley woke up at 5:30 I was at my breaking point. I desperately had to sleep. I don't nap during the day (no time anyway!) so the few hours I get at night is the only way I can recharge to get on this nonstop merry-go-round each day and still be sane by the end of them! I whimpered and told G I just couldn't do it again and he got up to do it, the saint he is. That at least gave me a couple hours there. And then it was back up to start a new day.

While it may not sound like a rough day- I'm not claiming it was the worst day ever- it was just physically and emotionally draining. It's hard to hear your babies so upset all day long. I become the dancing monkey trying every which way to make them happy, running all over the house getting things they need at lightening speed. And when I don't get any down time at the end of the day, time to regroup and connect with the hubs, and then no sleep on top of that- it makes for an exhausting day with no way to recharge. But... Even on the most challenging days, I still wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.